I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
