All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
