We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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