"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
