Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
