is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
