well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize