Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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