Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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