ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
