i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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