Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
