I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
