All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
