sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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