Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
