This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize