I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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