So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
