You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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