All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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