Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
