He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
