I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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