I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
