I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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