There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there is glitter all over my balls
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