Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
