I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
