I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
