And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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