Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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