So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
