Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
