if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
