How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
