i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
