so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
