next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
