God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
