Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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