We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
