You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize