I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
