Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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