HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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