barbara walters just said penis...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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