So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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