so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
