at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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