If that was your dad, he is hot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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