i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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