He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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