Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
