did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
