i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize