I will die if light touches me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
