I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
