Welp...herpes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
