Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
