My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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