well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
