Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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