This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
