i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think my fart just growled at me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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