DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
