What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
