true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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