I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
