apparently the secret to your success is patron
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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