I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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